art of losing.

[jacen lee ward]

jacen ward.
___________________________________



-----Life had a funny way of coming back to bite a person in the ass, didn’t it? Just when they thought they were out of the woods and in the clear, so to say, something would come up to send them right back to that feeling of being lost all over again. Jacen had thought that he had been doing well. He had been through a lot, losing his fiancée and dealing with her death. Emily Bennett was a woman that Jacen had grown up with, fallen in love with, and had promised to always love no matter what. He had thought that when Emily promised that in return, it was a genuine promise and had had an image in his mind of what his life would be like with her. It had all been taken away from him, though. First by her death, and then just recently by learning that it wasn’t at all what it had seemed. Emily had been cheating on him, with one of his best friends of all people, and had been pregnant with said friend’s child when the accident happened. He had just started to move on, started letting her go more completely than he had ever been able to before, and then that comes out. It shouldn’t have made a difference; Emily was dead, and Jacen was living his life without her anyway. It shouldn’t have struck him like it had, but it did. Just when he thought that things were looking up, he got put right back in that place where it didn’t feel like he knew which way was up anymore.

-----Though, it wasn’t like he was the only one. Jasper, Emily’s lover of sorts, was dealing with it all too. And Kade, Emily’s sister, just had his wife walk back into his life after two years of not being able to find her, not knowing where she was. Jacen had left Kade alone to deal with Carter, knowing that was going to take a lot of time to mend, or just some time to get the divorce papers ready. He and Jasper weren’t exactly on speaking terms for obvious reasons, though Jacen wished they could just talk through it. Mostly, he wanted to know how the hell someone that was supposed to be his friend could do something like that. Jacen also wanted to know why they chose to sneak around when her just calling off the engagement would have been so much easier in the long run. There had to be reasons and answers, but even if Jacen got them, it probably still wouldn’t be enough. To have just one more hour with Emily right now, to be able to ask her and know her side of it, was what he wanted more than anything. But, he couldn’t have that, so he relied heavily on Bella and Krystal now. Bella had been his friend forever, someone that understood him well enough to help him sort through his own thoughts. Jacen had turned to Krystal with the original purpose of trying to figure out more about Emily, but Krystal had told him everything that she had known and it still wasn’t enough.

-----He and Krys had started hanging around one another more often after the one year anniversary of Emily’s death, the day that Krystal had told Jacen all of Em’s secrets. At first it was harmless, nothing at all. But somehow it had evolved, and now Jacen didn’t really know what it was that they were doing. He and Krystal were sleeping together, going out from time to time, and almost seemed to genuinely have feelings for each other. That’s why he was driving over to her place that evening. Just to spend time, just to be there. That even started out simply enough with dinner, followed by crashing on the couch and entertaining themselves with whatever was on. Later, they had started fooling around a bit, kissing and laying back into the couch as Jacen let his hands roam appreciatively over her body. Then, it was like something snapped, and Krystal was suddenly hesitant, something she never normally was. He pulled away, his eyes meeting hers. ”Something wrong?” he asked, ever the caring kind that wouldn’t just ignore her and keep on going. Jacen studied her, waiting for an answer.


tagged for , krystal bennett.

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